After an unplanned pregnancy, a woman was pressured into keeping her baby despite knowing she never wanted to be a mother. Years later, she finally made the decision to put her toddler up for adoption. Now, she’s speaking out—tired of pretending she’s heartbroken about it.
A woman who placed her toddler for adoption says it was the best decision of her life—but to her mother, it made her a monster. She opened up about how she got pregnant while switching birth control methods and had planned to terminate the pregnancy, but was pressured into keeping the baby instead.
Sharing her experience on Reddit, she explained: “When I got pregnant, all I wanted was to abort, I never wanted to be a mum. It was the time between getting my arm implant birth control replaced, so we were using condoms, but part of me now wonders if he sabotaged them somehow.”
“I always thought we were on the same page about kids, but he was so happy when I told him, was horrified I wanted to get rid of it, and decided to tell everyone, and to have them guilt trip me was the best way to handle it.”
At first, she tried to convince herself that everything would be okay. She believed that since the baby’s father was staying, she wouldn’t have to do it alone. But that illusion shattered when, just a month before the birth, he disappeared without a trace. She recalled: “I kept telling myself that it would be okay, he was sticking around to help me, this didn’t have to ruin my life. I could go back to school and finish my degree. It would be fine.”
“I read all the mummy forum posts and Reddit posts of mums in my position who talked about how glad they were they didn’t go through with the abortion and were so happy and loved their child more than anything. I convinced myself to believe them. I was wrong – so wrong.”
“The biggest regret of my life. He left one month before the birth. Gone. No way to contact him. I was left to do this on my own. It was too late for the abortion. I missed my chance to be free. He stole that from me.” As she began seriously considering adoption, she found herself judged and condemned by those around her. People labeled her a “monster”, and her own mother was “especially cruel” about her decision.
“I made the second biggest mistake. I caved for a second time and kept him,” she admitted. “I never got that flood of love and emotion people talk about. I felt too repulsed to breastfeed him. Everyone told me to give it six months, that sometimes it takes a little while, but I’ll love him more than anything.”
“That never happened. I was more miserable than ever. everyone said it was PPD, so I put myself in debt for doctors, therapy, medication, everything. Nothing helped. Then they told me to give it a year, that being unhappy is normal. But I can’t imagine disliking your own child is normal.”
“I spent my whole childhood faking how I felt and going through the motions, and I do the same now. My mother was incredibly cruel growing up, so I told myself no matter how much apathy I felt, I could never allow myself to inflict that on him. I dissociated most of the time and sunk deeper down in a mental spiral.”
By the time her son turned one, she realized she couldn’t keep going like this. The emotional toll had become unbearable. She started the adoption process, a journey that took six months to complete. When her son was around 18 months old, he was officially placed with a new family.
“It was the first time I felt free in so long. I cried I was so happy,” she said. “But to all my friends and family, those had to be sad tears. I can’t take the abuse from them if they knew how I really felt. I’m sick of pretending. I’m sick of allowing myself to be painted as the ‘sad, too young mum’ who had to give up her baby, because people just cannot accept the idea that some women truly do not want to be a parent, no matter how hard they get pressured.”
“I want to go somewhere new with people that are new, so I can be free of this whole ordeal and never think about it again. I was so naive. I never should have let anyone convince me that things would change. I should have never doubted myself.”
Her story sparked discussions online, with many people offering their thoughts. One person commented: “It’s ridiculous that people can’t genuinely accept that some women do not want to be mothers. I’m so sorry you had to endure this nonsense, and I’m so happy for you and the baby that you’re both in a better place.”
Another user weighed in, saying: “Kudos for realising what was best for you and the child. I personally think parents, family, friends that pressure like this should step up and offer to adopt if they feel so strongly. What I hate are the folks that give a child up for adoption and then ruin the lives of the child and adoptive parents by trying to be part-time parents.”
Meanwhile, a third person shared their own difficult experience: “I can sympathise. I love being a mum. I was happily married and had five kids. One night while responding to an alarm at a store I managed, I was raped. I became pregnant. All I could think about was the future this child would have. If I kept it, there would be questions as to why they looked unlike the other kids and if I put it up for adoption, they would come looking and again questions would be asked.”
“Either way, that child would find out they were a product of a violent act. I had a friend that was a product of rape and ended up committing suicide because she felt worthless. I have never regretted my decision. My husband was supportive through it all.”